He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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