ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it's like iHOP with fire
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just pee around me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
