my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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