I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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