I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
