I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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