I think my vagina is haunted
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
