It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
