someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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