dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
