Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
