i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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