I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
