i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
