I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
