just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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