6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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