i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
