You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
