why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
