Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
