Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
