Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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