they need to just BURY HIM!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
