Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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