I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
