at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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