Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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