I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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