how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
