Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
