I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
