My sheets look like a crime scene.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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