My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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