not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
