Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
