fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
