I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
