this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
