I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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