you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
