so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
