Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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