based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
