I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
