Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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