my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
