I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
