I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
