I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
